just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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