he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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