sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
