Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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