Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
