just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize