JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
