Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
