I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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