I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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