I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
