Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
In America we eat man semen.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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