I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
