HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
