i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
