I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
