so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
