You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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