So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
