I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
