Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
