Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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