dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this beer tastes like vomit already
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
