I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
