that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
