I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
