please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize