Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
