Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
