WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
