I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
