so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
