When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
