i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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