Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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