Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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