Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
