He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
