You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
