Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
