we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
