At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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