I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
