Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
