I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
