where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
