If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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