I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
