i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
