Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
