happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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