guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
