i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I supernannyed him into submission
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
