Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
