only if we run a train.
done.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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