You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
