He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
