I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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