Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
