I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
