I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
