my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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