yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
