then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
