I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
