There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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