Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
