I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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