The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry about my life...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
