I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
