I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
